i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
