soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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