I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Randomize
