Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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