for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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