in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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