hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
