Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
