She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
