I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
