How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize