OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
whose parrot is this?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
