After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize