It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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