I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
