apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
