I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She even gives head with a lisp.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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