I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
We are all done wearing pants today
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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