I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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