you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
