how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
