There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
