I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
It's Friday. Sex?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
