Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
