you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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