just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Randomize
