He asked to "fluff my boner.."
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
