She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
