I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize