nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
