I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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