did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
