I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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