Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Drake has all the answers
Randomize
