I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
