ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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