Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
