Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
