people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize