If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Everyone says I win the strip club
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
