I murdered the dance floor call the cops
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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