I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
