Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
