The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Randomize
