the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
