Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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