at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
