So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
