What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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