sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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