Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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