I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
