Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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