I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
