Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
