You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
