I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
