i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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