In the future we'll all be gay
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
