There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
