Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
