I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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