so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
