She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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