saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
